Tuesday in Holy Week

There is a well-known saying, ‘The road to hell is paved with good intentions.’ It’s a very powerful saying. All of us, at times, are guilty of intending to do so many good things, to have a good heart, with good thoughts and good plans but capable too of putting them off and never getting them done. ‘The intention was there, I intended to do it, I just never got around to it.’

Peter too is in a similar place. His heart is good, his heart is brave, his heart is filled with good intentions. And when he hears Jesus speaking about moving on to a place they cannot follow Peter declares from his heart that he will follow Jesus where ever he goes. And more than that - Peter says, from the heart, that he would lay down his life for Jesus. And he means it. That is his intention. Perhaps hearing Jesus speak on so many occasions about laying his own life down, Peter had immersed the words for himself, he had adapted the values and vision of Jesus; the sayings and turn of phrase were on his lips and in his heart. Little did Peter know that his good intentions would also bring him to his own experience of hell: of darkness and destitution, of tears and pain and separation from the one he loves.

‘Before the cock crows three times, you will disown me three times,’ says Jesus to Peter. How awful, how terrible, how rude of Jesus to belittle Peter’s intentions, to put him down even before he has had the chance to prove his passion or deliver the goods. Yet Jesus sees into his heart, and he knows that his intentions are good. But Jesus knows, too, that he will have to go through this one all on his own.

Already the intentions of another have been planted and they are beginning to come to fruition. Who knows what’s going through Judas’s mind. The Gospel writer paints him in no uncertain language as a thief, and from the time he slips out of the room on the night that Jesus shares a meal with his friends he will forever be known as the one who betrayed Jesus. And Jesus sees into his heart too. ‘What you are going to do, do quickly,’ says Jesus to Judas. Yet Jesus has chosen him too, just as he had chosen Peter and Andrew and James and John and the other odd collection of men, all filled with good intentions.

Meanwhile, we are left reclining with Jesus at table, listening in on the conversation of Jesus with his friends and followers, seeing into their hearts. And Jesus sees into our hearts too. He knows how strong and full of courage we are, how faithful we are, how fascinating and loyal, how filled with good intentions we are. And he knows too how weak and feeble, how so easily distracted, how dull, how misunderstanding, how hot and cold, how confused and confusing we all are at times.

And Jesus moves on, moves closer and closer, closer to the cross. And we too follow, sometimes from a distance, a safe distance, a dangerous distance. We are, of course, unlike those disciples, blessed with hindsight. Yet, we too are looking forward, moving on, and none of us knows what lies around the corner, and where our good intentions will take us. All we know is that Jesus is there as he is here, that what he has done and continues to do is borne from love. He is committed to his people. He never lets us down. He makes up for what we lack, and gives us all we need. And there is plenty of room for forgiveness.

Readings: John 13:21-33. 36-38